When good things feel awful.
4 ways to help you back to enjoying it.
Have you ever had something really wonderful happen and you immediately start feeling terrified and worried?
You receive the information that something good, big and probably long-hoped-for is starting to happen. Your body is instantly flushed with adrenaline and you start to panic because that’s WRONG. Getting what you want is supposed to feel wonderful isn’t it? You have thoughts like “why am I feeling this way?” “Is this a sign that my growth/change is all bad for me?” “Am I not safe to have my dreams?”
Nothing is wrong. You’re having a peak emotional experience with a big rush of feelings. Most of us are used to our bodies only having those about bad things or we are conditioned to believe they can only happen in romantic situations. So when all of a sudden you feel all those feelings you’ve literally been conditioned to believe something bad is happening.
Lots of times we don’t have much practise of what good feels like, your body is probably way more skilled at feeling under threat and unsafe. Recognize that is what is happening to you. Lots of feelings at once is being interpreted as a threat. You aren’t wrong, you might just need a new pathway in your brain! Here’s a few things you can do to get on the same side as your body in these situations.
Try to remember that your body is just trying to give you what you need to be safe. That’s all, don’t make it mean more.
Breathe into it. And you don’t have to get all yogi-zen-blissful about it. (I really hate being told to breathe in that tone, you know the one). Breathe however you can, exhale for as long as you can, talk out loud to yourself or a friend so you use up that breath you are holding so you have to get more. Laughter is brilliant for this. Phone or text a friend with a great meme game. Belly flop on your bed. Just figure out how to get breathing again.
Feel those feelings. Let the rush flood through you without trying to stop or interrupt it because it was ‘wrong.’ Trying to force it to stop intensifies panic and sends another wave of those chemicals into your system. I learned how to feel my feelings in my 40s. Don’t worry if you don’t know what that means! Pay attention to where in your body the feeling is located. Where are those zings and vibrations for you? In your belly? Hands? Throat? Does the feeling flood have a shape? Maybe waves, spirals, or pulses? Does it have a speed for how it’s moving? Does it have a weight or a colour? Just notice it as much as you can. Let the wave go by so it can hit the shore and dissipate.
Once your thoughts and breath are calm, use it as an opportunity to train your body how to deal with good emotional spikes! Sing along to a celebratory song. Shake whatever parts of your body feel good. Stick out your tongue. Wink at yourself in the mirror. Lift your face to the sun and close your eyes. Go for a walk. Have sex. Kiss a puppy. Anything that is in partnership with your physical senses and your joy. Dwell in that sensation while you think about your news or what has happened. (Repeat from Step 1 if necessary!)
Congratulations on the lovely thing. You deserve it and so much more.
Want to know more about “How to Give Yourself Permission?” Download my short audio course today and begin the journey of being more kind to yourself while you learn to take action. https://www.slsourwine.com/howtogiveyourselfpermission