The one where you apologize for having limits.
Can we build new things and minimize pain?
A conversation I have repeatedly with my clients is the one where they apologize for having limits. Setting my expectations that they will attempt to be beyond human, but might fail from time to time. It’s the kind of apology you don’t notice as you give it, but that if you meet with enough amazing women who are trying to do their thing you will hear too many times.
And even though I centre women in my writing and most of my mentoring, I know this isn’t just happening to us. You apologize because surviving sometimes takes up too much bandwidth and your creation suffers. You apologize because sometimes you are broken from the world and can’t answer right away. Because the way we have been taught that we will be successful and that this work, this business, this creativity that means so much to you will be brought into the world is through an expectation of your pain.
Expectation that you must go beyond your limits to accomplish it.
Expectation that you must break through, break out, shatter some external barrier in order to be valid.
I hate how often I see the apologies for why you can’t break yourself anymore just at the moment, but maybe in a couple of days when you’ve had a little bit of rest there will be a scar we can cut through.
Expectation that there is a clock ticking and you my friend are already so far behind. As women they made us live with this ticking fucking clock our whole lives! Like the crocodile in Peter Pan waiting for Captain Hook.
Try and take notice of what you apologize for over the next little bit. Try to only apologize for mistakes and impositions, not just for existing the way you do right now.
My favourite thing is when I get to say to my apologizing clients that I don’t work like that.
You get to take all the time you need to choose to move on something.
We do our work in digestible sizes so you feel ready to take an action without knowing you have to move the whole world before you can rest again.
I check in to make sure information stays bumped up your inbox, but you respond when you are ready.
I trust you to come back to the work. It’s ok if it takes a bit sometimes to recover.
I hope I teach you to trust that about yourself too.
Susie
PS. If you want support while you figure out how to take care of yourself and our world at the same time I’ve got something for you. Check out Resiliency Club.