How to Walk Into a Room
Stepping across thresholds with confidence even when you aren't feeling it.
This topic came up today in an amazing women’s cohort that I am a part of and it made me want to pull this story out of the archives for you all. It’s something we have to do alone all the time—professionally, socially, etc and I know so many of us dread taking those steps. Enjoy!
How to Walk Into A Room
Obviously not literally. I’m pretty sure you’ve got that cased. And besides I fall over so much I’m really not the one to help with this.
I’m talking about that kind of room you need to walk into alone. Sometimes it’s a work room full of unknown, apparently successful and important people who seem to all be known to each other and not you. Other times it’s a party or a wedding reception full of people who know you and, at minimum in your mind, are capable of judging you ruthlessly for your lack or excess of success, your lack of husband, your unruly children and hair, or the difference in your weight since they saw you last.
These are the thoughts keep you home, dressed to disappear, or just quaffing the free drinks and buffet before running away as soon as you can. You leave disappointed with yourself, not having met anyone, and swearing off “networking” for ever.
I don’t know a single woman who hasn’t struggled with this, even if it never shows. So here are two strategies for entering the room that have changed my own world recently.
My smart and talented friend Peri Lyons shared her mother’s advice to her:
”Darling, before you enter any room, throw your shoulders back and say to yourself "I am beautiful and I am loved."
Because you are. I don’t care if you are the only person who thinks so. It’s true and it loosens your joints and makes you open and interested in the world instead of preoccupied with what’s in your head. Try it.
And for those days when you are turning your light down. When you afraid to shine “too” bright, be “too” much, dress “too” whatever. Have you ever left your house feeling wondrous and then just before you walk into the room you are beset with fear and regret? You are shining and it draws attention and heaven knows there are lots of times it hasn’t been safe for a woman to shine. But you know this is just a room, a party. In these moments I ask myself:
“How would I walk into this room if I knew my beloved was in there watching me come in? If I got to feel their pride in my shine and their complete celebration and appreciation of me at my finest?”
It flips the switch, and I let this little light of mine shine.