Do you know where your joy is?
The time I stopped singing and realized I was lost.
Have you ever been known for something that wasn’t a talent or a performance, but simply an expression of your joy? Do you still have it? Did you set it down for a while? Or did you never go back for it?
A while back I was driving into town and I noticed I had been happily singing to myself all morning. Just a little joy in my routine bursting from my lips at random moments. My happiness was out loud and I even carried my body with more lightness while I moved about. I remembered that I used to be a bit famous for singing to myself at work. There was a back hallway at one particular racetrack in Winnipeg, Canada where the acoustics thrilled me and I would sing my way down it. The head of security would love to wait for me at the other end, around a corner, until I was finished. My joy gave him joy. You see my joy used to fill stadiums. It was so large and infectious. Other people counted on it to lift the room. I took for granted that it was an ever-present part of me and not something that could ever run out.
But it did.
I didn’t know how to tend my joy. I never knew how to set boundaries around my energy or my undertakings. I assumed because I could fill a room with my joy that I was required to do it. I didn’t consciously choose where I applied it. I didn’t think about where I felt obligated to spend it and whether or not I really, really believed that when I did it was a good use of my natural resources.
It ran out and I didn’t even notice that I wasn’t singing anymore. I didn’t notice for years. I noticed that I was starting to be quite angry and had very little patience. I carried on thinking surely it would just come back. It didn’t. When it finally occurred to me to check on my joy, I was distraught. How did I get so sad? Where had my river of joy gone?
I made the decision to give myself permission to go in search of my peace and happiness again no matter what it might cost me. That was the first decision in a chain of choices that brought me to the wild edge of western Scotland and eventually back to Canada. A series of questions for myself about what I believed and wanted to lead me to begin a new life incredibly different than the one that looked so shiny outside, but ate my joy. If I hadn’t learned How to Give Myself Permission to start making choices I would never have got here. I would still not be singing. And I can’t imagine that.
Are you ready to deepen your understanding of Permission? The mini audio course How To Give Yourself Permission gives you all the information you need to start:
What is Permission?
How does it work?
The Change cycle and the role Permission plays.
Why it’s so hard for many women to give it to themselves.
I wrote it to help you get to whatever “here” looks like for you.
Lots of love,
Susie