All the things you haven't done
Being unable to take action doesn't mean you are broken, it means you are stuck.
Many of us have a list in our minds. A list of things we missed out on because we didn’t decide or take action, and the moment faded or the opportunity passed. Sometimes they are big ones, sometimes they are ones that are gone forever, and sometimes they are something we might still do. Things like:
Letting someone know what we wanted from a relationship
Applying for a job.
Submitting your work to a competition or exhibition.
Actually doing that writing prompt/marketing task/yoga stretch that comes to your email every week.
Apologising.
Dating.
From the outside it can seem like some people just know how to do this stuff. Their decisions get made and they quickly act on it to see what happens. Whether it is called risk tolerance, confidence, resiliency, etc their permission engine is operating at high speed and running smoothly. For some of us it’s not running at all and instead of realising we are just stuck we think we are broken or incapable.
The gift of understanding How to Give Yourself Permission is that when we are stuck we know how to slow the process right down and figure out what’s happening. A Permission practice is an act of curiosity. It’s not an act of judgment about what may have already gone by. It’s the difference between reading the manual and figuring out how to change the flat and just kicking the tire.
When we cannot get started on DOING this thing we think we want very badly or say these words we know are needed, it means there is something amiss with the DESIRE and DECIDE steps of the process. There are a million reasons you haven’t done it yet, and if it’s still haunting you this might be your opportunity to get really curious about what happens to you when you are attempting to give yourself permission for what you want.
Here are some questions to inspire your curiosity.
Do I really actually want this or do I just think it’s what I am supposed to want?
What am I not letting myself acknowledge about what I really want? Why can’t I?
Do I think there will be consequences to doing what I want that I can’t handle?
Is the idea of my secret dream so familiar and precious to me that I can’t bear losing it for the possibility of having it?
What comfort do I get from the idea? Is that enough for me? Why do I think that’s better than trying? Can I be happy with that?
Do I need someone else to decide for me on the value of what I want? Is it only worth trying to get it if a partner, a publisher, a gallery, a customer, a family member, Instagram people think it is?
Why isn’t my choice enough of a reason?
When you have some answers apply a great dose of gentleness and appreciation for that part of you that is so good trying to keep you safe. Sometimes we even think we have to want to go on an adventure. You don’t. Developing a relationship with your happiness, your fears, your desires… it all makes the decisions and action phases so much easier. You get to decide in the end what dreams you want to reach for and sometimes not acting is your answer. So be curious and fire up your permission machine and see how you get on.
You’ve got this.
Want to know more about “How to Give Yourself Permission?” Download my short audio course today and begin the journey of being more kind to yourself while you learn to take action towards your dreams.